• Allison Jayne Ewing

Addicted to controlling the outcome?

Updated: Apr 18, 2019

Do you find yourself constantly trying to control the outcome of things in your life? Are you exhausted and drained by always juggling all the balls you have up in the air?


Why is it so draining you ask yourself?


Partially because you are juggling sooo much as we all are in today's busy world. That is true, BUT partially you may be extremely drained, emotionally and energetically, because you are SO invested in how it all plays out. You are extremely attached to the outcome...


And of course, this is normal. Who amongst us doesn't want to control the outcome? We are survival driven creatures who crave the need to be prepared and know what is coming our way. We are completely thrown by the experience of being shocked and once we have experienced shock we do everything in our power to avoid ever having to experience it again. So we plot and we plan and we formulate in our own minds the 'best' outcome we would like to see for any given experience in our lives. Once we conjure up this outcome, we will fight like mad to make sure it happens. And there in lies the problem...


I recently came to realize that I create much of my own suffering because I was constantly trying to control the outcome of things in my life. I spent tons of time analyzing things and playing out scenarios in my head to try and predict and prepare for the outcome. And if I could not clearly see how something was going to play out then I would take control and do something to force a resolution, even if it was a resolution I didn't like, just to avoid having to sit with the uncertainty of not knowing! I realized that the opposite of controlling the outcome is not knowing... or experiencing uncertainty. And man! Did I come face to face with my own intense discomfort of experiencing uncertainty. Even just thinking about 'not knowing' an outcome and having to sit with that made me feel squirmy, made me uncomfortable in my own skin. The idea of marinating in that space made my body feel compelled into action of some sort, any sort. It dawned on me that I had probably been unconsciously jumping into action on things often in my life simply to avoid this uncomfortable place. How many times, I began to wonder, did I do something just to avoid being with doing nothing?


Listening to the tapping world summit this year, I remember hearing Jessica Ortner in one interview using this line from Tony Robbins- "The quality of your life is in direct proportion to the amount of uncertainty you can comfortably deal with."


This made me immediately sit up and take pause... It was the last part- 'comfortably deal with' that really struck me. I realized I could not comfortably deal with any amount of uncertainty. This led me to look at my life completely differently. It occurred to me that my life would probably go a lot more smoothly if I was able to get out of my own way more often. It reminds me of the saying, "Man plans, God laughs". I realized, upon reflection that the more I let go of wanting things a certain way, the happier I was in my daily life. It was the attachment I was feeling to the outcome that was setting me up for disappointment time and again. AND it was the urge to control the outcome that was draining me. Whenever I tried to force something to happen, I generally either failed or was left with an outcome that I did not really desire, feeling either unsatisfied or downright upset.


Forcing, has the energy of resistance. Accepting has the energy of allowing. Could I accept uncertainty and allow things to unfold naturally? Could I actually start to become comfortable with that concept? Furthermore, was is possible for me to go a step beyond feeling ease about uncertainty and begin to feel excitement about it? After all, when we are anticipating a pleasant surprise we typically feel excited about it.


I began to wonder... It did seem logical to think that life would feel a whole lot better on a daily basis if I was able to let go and feel excited about what surprises I might encounter around the outcomes of various things in my life. It sure beats feeling disappointed all the time when things don't work out the way I wanted them to. So I began to contemplate, could I start to accept that when things did not work out the way I wanted them to that perhaps something better would be coming along?


Definitely a better way to live life right?


But to break the habit of trying to control the outcome- that was a different story. The tendency was deeply ingrained in me. As I started paying attention I began to notice that I did it all the time in so many unconscious ways. This lead me to face the blatant fact that I had actually become addicted to controlling outcomes in my life and just like any deeply ingrained habit- this one was going to be tricky to break. Fortunately, as you may already be aware- I happen to know a fantastic tool for breaking bad habits.


Sometimes I laugh at how easy it is to forget to use tapping in my own life...


As I was inspired by this realization of my addiction of controlling the outcome, I was inspired to create the following tapping script to help clear this addiction, to make room to release the discomfort of sitting with uncertainty and move into excitement at the possibilities life holds for us all.


Try it out once a day for a week and see what miracles start showing up in you life:

TAPPING SCRIPT- Addicted to Controlling the Outcome

Karate Chop


Even though I am addicted to controlling the outcome, I deeply and completely love and accept myself.

Even though I can’t tolerate not knowing how things will turn out, I chose to love and honor myself.

Even though, I feel sooo uncomfortable with uncertainty and I feel a strong urge to force an outcome, a resolution one way or the other, I choose to sit in the uncertainty instead.

Eye Brow


All this uncertainty…

Side of the eye


It's sooo uncomfortable.

Under the eye


All this not knowing the outcome.

Under the nose


I can’t stand it!

Chin


It's making me crazy!

Collarbone


Not having control is making me feel like crawling out of my own skin.

Under the arm


All this uncertainty… I just want to know what will happen.

Top of the head


All this NOT KNOWING.

Eye Brow


It's so hard to tolerate.

Side of the eye


I just want to DO something.

Under the eye


I just want to take control.

Under the nose


I always want to control the outcome.

Chin


I can't stand not knowing.

Collarbone


Sometimes I feel ADDICTED to trying to control things…

Under the arm


I just want to be certain of the outcome- is that so wrong?!?

Top of the head


Of course its not wrong, and of course I want to be certain but the fact of the matter is that’s not how life works…

Eye Brow


There is no way to be certain of any outcome.

Side of the eye


And my attachment to outcomes leads to my suffering… especially if I am disappointed.

Under the eye


All this fear of disappointment.

Under the nose


I want to control the outcome to avoid disappointment.

Chin


But disappointment is a part of life.

Collarbone


I just HATE feeling it…

Under the arm


That’s why I was always told not to get my hopes up. So that I wouldn't be disappointed. But if I always live in fear of disappointment am I really living?

Top of the head


All this fear of disappointment… All this fear of getting my hopes up… All this urge to control the outcome…

Eye Brow


Maybe I can begin to let go of controlling the outcome a little bit now.

Side of the eye


Maybe I can release my fear of disappointment. Disappointment feels bad but I’ve always moved past it.

Under the eye


Disappointment feels bad but sometimes I later find the disappointment happened for a reason.

Under the nose


So maybe I can start to see disappointment differently…

Chin


Maybe I can begin to accept any outcome and have faith that something better is coming along.

Collarbone


Maybe I can feel disappointment and allow it to be… until it passes through me.

Under the arm


All emotions are like a wave and they all come, build, crest and fade away… even disappointment…

Top of the head


I now embrace disappointment when it comes and allow it to pass. I now understand that something better will come along behind it. I now begin to have faith that I don’t need to control the outcome. I now begin to feel safe having hope.

Eye Brow


Releasing this need to control the outcome.

Side of the eye


Releasing this fear of disappointment.

Under the eye


Seeing outcomes differently, knowing everything happens for a reason and the universe is bringing me something better.

Under the nose


Releasing this fear of getting my hopes up…

Chin


Feeling hopeful about the surprises the universe brings me…

Collarbone


Feeling excited now about not knowing the outcome! Expecting the unexpected with fun anticipation!

Under the arm


Having faith that the the outcome will be better than my mind could have ever imagined.

Top of the head


I now have fully and completely released my need to control the outcome. I have released my fear of disappointment from every cell in my body. I now allow myself to have my hopes up and anticipate miracles. I expect the unexpected with wonder and excitement. I can’t wait to see what the universe brings me, all these things better than my wildest dreams!!

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